Blame: a powerless position

Pointing the finger of blame automatically removes any power you may have had to improve your situation. Consider this, placing blame on others is a lot more about ditching personal responsibility, than it is about giving credit where credit is due. If you avoid blaming others, then you allow yourself to keep some power to make changes. If something or someone is negatively impacting your life, you have the power to do something about it right up until the point that you blame them for causing your problems.

[EXPAND Read More]For example, there is a difference between someone who says, "Sally is driving me crazy," and someone who says, "My choice to continue to associate with Sally is driving me crazy."

The first statement has no power. Sally will most likely continue to cause problems and there's nothing that will change that. The second statement not only retains power and doesn't place blame, it also hints at a possible solution.

If you assume that you can't change others (a very safe assumption), then the only option for change is to change your own thoughts and behaviors. The second statement lands the responsibility of Sally driving me crazy straight on my shoulders. Sally is Sally. She will, likely, continue to do what ever it is that drives me crazy. I have two choices, I can remove Sally from my life, or choose to think differently about her actions.

Taking personal responsibility about the effect other people have on us seems counter intuitive, but it is the only thought process in which you can do anything. Its the difference between, "He made me mad," and "He is an idiot and I chose to be mad about it."[/EXPAND]